Pure Pleasure Products

How can I pleasure myself and still stay pure in the eyes of the Lord?

I've come up with a few ideas, let me know if a Catholic can do these and still stay pure in the eyes of the Lord Thrusting my penis into any of the following until orgasm: A microwavable burrito, a jar of peanut butter, a gym sock, a hole in a cardboard box

Public Comments

1. haha
2. I thought Catholics didn't believe in masturbation??
3. Yes They Can!
4. I've heard carved out melons are nice. Oh Lord deliver us from temptation for we are but weak mortals and are susceptible to carnal sin!
5. u can't at all if ur catholic its agianst the rules, i am but i do it like 3 times a day, if u make it seem like an accident maybe
6. Wow, making love to a burrito. I mean, I rarely ever get THAT involved with my food, but whatever floats your boat I guess. Then again, there was that time with that cantalope when I was drunk............